So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
