sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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