Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
im on a boat
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