worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
