i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
