FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I didn't notice because vodka
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
