Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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