Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
