I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
