i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
