Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
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