do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
It's blow job season.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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