You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
