i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
