I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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