My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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