u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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