i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
