A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
