i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
