OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
