dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
