i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
