rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
