I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
