I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I need a beard to bite.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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