Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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