i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
