just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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