I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
