Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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