I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
