Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
