ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
