Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
