just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
