You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
