K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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