the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
