$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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