Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
