can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
