If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Randomize
