I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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