Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
