If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
