dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
