So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
