If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
