Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
It's not a walk of shame if you run
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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