Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
