Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
